I've figured it out. Hong Kong has an dumbing effect on my brain activity and hence my blog activity. I have been back in Singapore for less than 48 hours and here I am at 3.25am sitting at my damn desk blogging away in a battle with insomnia. At this time in Hong Kong I am usually as drunk as a Chinese prawn, smelling of smoke and beer, lying on my bed with my hair in shambles and my eye make-up half on. So it's no wonder that thinking appears to be a novelty for me (and maybe the iced coffee at my auntie's didn't help).

I'm thinking a whole fucking LOT. It's actually driving me insane. I've contemplated things I never thought I cared about. I've been lying in my 5-star home bed with my gorgeous down duvet thinking of all kinds of crap and it won't stop!!

I'm thinking of what to do for summer, whether to do real estate work and how long to travel to NY for and where to buy my ticket and how to buy my ticket and how to get the lowest fare so my dad doesn't have to cough up too much and who I'm gonna stay with and who I'm gonna see and who means the most to me and I'm also thinking of whether I should do volunteer work in China or take a wine tasting course or a fusion cooking course at the Coriander Leaf or golf or all of it or none of it and I'm thinking of whether I should buy a home in Singapore or wait till later or not buy one at all.

I'm thinking of whether I should call up my investment plan adviser and throw some more savings into it or keep the money to buy myself furniture or put it into IPOs in Hong Kong or wait for a stock market crash and just collect stuff through my banker friends or whether I should just save money and be a good girl and earn interest from my savings account.

I'm thinking of my family and how glad I am to be back here and what to say to my brother about the matters of his heart and how much independence to assert with my parents and what to buy for my mum's and brother's birthdays and how much I want to cook for my cousins and about my talk with my Auntie today - I've learnt that my great-grandmother was a professional gambler, who are the linguists in the family, where I got my bone structure from and that my late grandfather was even more than ever the most incredible man I have ever known.

I'm thinking about my year in Hong Kong and the people of met and the people I like who account for about 40% of the ones I have met and the people who I love who account for even fewer and about the people who have disappointed me and how to explain it to them, and I'm thinking about the old friends I will re-hash this summer and the hearts I should mend and how much I should forget myself and just bury the old hatchets and start being the person I would be if I hadn't met so many people who've run me over.

And finally I think of him, the great summer we'll have together and the reasons for the things we've said to each other and the reasons for our fears and how even if I disagree with some of his characteristics, and his words, I realise that everything about him appeals to me and I wouldn't want him to change a damn thing.